eXpress Yourself newZletter Vol 2001 No. 6CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE:
Puzzles And Presumptions
--- A straight answer and a straight solution
It's A Matter Of Faith
--- The universal knowing called faith and what it means
One Man's Lessons Learned
--- All the wisdom life can teach
Tickle Me Bones!
--- Never lose your cool or your sense of humor
A Final Blessing
--- Words that have stood the test of time
Greetings !
I trust this 2001 holiday edition of your eXpress Yourself newZletter will find you and your loved ones sharing the delicious wonderment and joy of this holiday season.
XYZ’s mission is to build stronger, more compassionate human relationships around a new critical consciousness grounded in genuine dialogue, rising above the prejudice of closed minds, and honoring the integrity and dignity of each person's true voice of self expression.
This edition should arrive just before the advent of 2002. It seems an appropriate time to count our blessings ... and perhaps measure our progress in mastering the skills needed to communicate and connect more honestly with other people.
I know it’s hard work breaking old habits. It seems the fear of change (a universal human fear) increases as we get older. Those old habits are familiar ... we know how to act in the roles they demand. Even if we don’t like the play, at least we know how it ends. There are no surprises, no need to think or act beyond what is expected. Old habits define our comfort zones, even if they provide little else.
My passionate desire for New Year 2002 is a renewed commitment to create more dynamic, compassionate human relationships ... beginning right in our own homes, then reaching down the street and around the world --- as far as our experiences will take us.
This is not just a pleasant wish. As I said before, it is a global imperative for survival on Earth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PUZZLES AND PRESUMPTIONS
Back in the fourth edition of your XYZ newsletter, I posed a little challenge for you to unravel ... one that demonstrated a fundamental truth about the way we perceive others. The puzzle involved these nine dots. The challenge was to draw four straight lines through the center of each dot WITHOUT raising your pen or pencil from the paper.
Here’s the answer for those who have not yet discovered a solution:
Let me walk you through the solution. The puzzle cannot be solved without the ability to reach beyond a preconditioned “box” mentality. The nine dots suggest a square box. Usually, our first attempts to connect the dots are contained within the boundaries of a square implied by the arrangement of dots. Although no instructions say we have to remain within the square box area, we ASSUME we must. Trying to connect the dots working only within the “box” implied by the nine dots produces no solution. You have to extend your four lines beyond the square box in order to solve this challenge.
To genuinely dialogue with others, to relate openly and honestly with people, especially those from cultures, religions and beliefs other than our own, we must do the same thing --- reach beyond the boundaries, prejudices and snap judgments that prevent genuine dialogue with others.
We must break down the perceptions, assumptions and stereotypes that too often lead us to erroneous conclusions about people. When we continually respond to other human beings from within a "box" mentality, we eliminate the privilege of knowing someone as a unique individual, someone who is more than just a nameless member of a group we've already "labeled" and judged.
When we make the effort to learn how to remove the fear that creates the walls of our stereotypical and prejudicial judgments, the opportunities for genuine dialogue improve dramatically. And, as you already know, out of genuine dialogue comes more dynamic, compassionate relationships.
Remember this ...
What we do not understand, we fear.
What we fear, we label.
And behind such labels resides all the ignorance of humankind.These subjects of perceptions, prejudices and presumptions, once again, became timely in these weeks following the events of September 11. Over the past three months we continue to hear reports from all over the world of attacks on innocent people of Arab descent, people who embrace the Islamic faith, or people who look, even remotely, to be of Middle Eastern ethnicity.
September’s terrorist attacks were horrific acts of destruction. So are feelings of unbridled hatred toward those we believe to be guilty by the weakest of circumstantial evidence ... feelings that grow out of a twisted sense of retaliatory frontier justice.
It is important we learn how to differentiate between anger and hate. Anger -- even rage -- is an important component in our response to being violated. And I’m not just talking about the destruction of the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. I’m also talking about the kinds of violations we endure as targets of physical and emotional abuse.
Violations that attempt to rob us of our personal esteem and human dignity are no less abhorrent and violent than acts of terrorism. If you have been a target of such abuse, you have every right to feel angry. Indeed, if you didn’t express your anger, one might wonder whether you are able to feel anything at all.
But anger MUST NEVER mutate into hatred toward people of an entire nation or religious or ethnic group. We must never condemn all for the acts of a few. Such hatred and violence are gross mutations of human ignorance, fear and greed. They most certainly are NOT acts of patriotism.
Here is one suggestion on how to debunk the kinds of prejudicial stereotyping that prevent our knowing other human beings as distinct individuals.
--- Take a good hard look at your own biases and prejudices. Dare to examine your stereotypes, putting each one to a test. For example, if you have a prejudicial opinion about a certain religion, find people who practice those religious beliefs and talk with them. Learn about their religion. Drop your ego boundaries for a moment and genuinely listen to want they say.
Open your mind to new ideas. You don’t have to embrace the religion. You don’t even have to agree with someone else’s expressed beliefs. But you can teach yourself to be more tolerant and understanding of different points of view.
To understand another person’s point of view is to no longer fear the unknown. In other words, the best way to debunk a stereotype is to have a personal experience that proves it wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IT’S A MATTER OF FAITH
As the end of one year and the beginning of another is a season of spiritual celebration for millions of the people around the world, it’s a good time to plant some new ideas about faith. I’m not referring to faith in a body of religious beliefs. I’m talking about trusting the Spirit within ourselves.
I’m talking about a leap of faith.
We like to think we trust ourselves, but take a closer look. What most of us trust is some authority outside ourselves - perhaps a book, guru, or teacher. In fact, we actually rely on “experts” of some sort more than we trust our own intuition and self-knowing. We give talk show hosts more validity, more credibility, than we give ourselves.
There is a time to trust expert advise, especially when it comes from the truly wise. But someone truly wise is not always there when a decision must be made. So we need to develop an abiding trust in our own deepest inner wisdom as a source for decision-making.
Trusting our inner wisdom does not require a belief in an external God. It requires an openness to the laws of the universe and a trust in the mysterious divine dichotomies that define our human existence -- knowing that whatever step we take, the path will unfold beneath our feet.
Think back to the movie, “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” Solving each riddle leading to the location of the Holy Grail, our hero, Indiana, suddenly finds himself teetering on the edge of a massive chasm. No bridge can be seen to the other side. The only way he can continue his journey, find the Grail, and save his father’s life is to trust that the bridge will be there. He must step into the void, make a leap of faith. Trusting his own wisdom about the Grail quest, learned from personal experience, he takes that step ... and a bridge appears that previously was invisible to the eye.
At that cinematic moment, art truly imitated life.
How does one develop such unswerving trust in their own intuitive wisdom? From personal experience, according to author Dan Millman. Self-trust comes through direct experience, reminding us to pay attention to our own life experiences, not solely to advice from a book or teacher. Even the best teachers can only help us find what we have forgotten to remember. Even the best teachers cannot give us anything we don’t already have.
Self-trust accesses a higher universal intelligence .. an infinite wisdom flowing in, around and through every one of us. When we learn to trust this higher wisdom, then we can trust the part of it that resides within each of us. The more we trust ourselves, the more willing we are to experience life fully, to make “mistakes” if necessary so we might learn from them. Faith gives us the courage to accept whatever happens and make it serve our highest good.
Here’s the correlation: the more you experience, the greater your capacity to trust yourself. The greater your self-trust, the greater your faith.
Self-trust is knowing what is right because you know what is not right for you. (Let this sink in for a moment. It’s a pretty profound statement!!)
The more we trust ourselves, the more we feel a higher order of wisdom and love at work in every aspect of our lives. By trusting what is within we learn to trust the same in others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ONE MAN’S LESSONS LEARNED
We have just spoken of life experience being the foundation for trusting one’s inner wisdom. I want to share with you the accumulated knowledge of one man’s life experiences. The author is unknown, but the wisdom is timeless. Perhaps instead of pierces new year resolutions -- the kind that are easily made, easily broken -- this year we can forge some more durable resolutions from this man’s insights on love, life and learning.
I’ve learned you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned you can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I’ve learned we are responsible for what we do no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned you either control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at the start, passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I’ve learned heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I’ve learned true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned maturity has more to do with what you’ve learned from the experiences you’ve had and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned diplomas on a wall do not make you intelligent.
I’ve learned the people you care about most in life are often taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
I’ve learned ignoring the facts doesn’t change them or make them go away.
I’ve learned the best way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve learned life is tough but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned one should keep one’s words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
I’ve learned it’s the small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TICKLE ME BONES!
In the aftermath of the holiday season, one thinks fondly (or otherwise) upon all those unappreciated customer service employees whose job is to serve the public. It’s a thankless job serving folks who fall somewhere between mildly agitated to thoroughly pissed.
But every now and again a customer service employee rises above the fracas and redefines job diplomacy. Here is one such person --- a United Airlines ticket agent at Denver’s airport. Her sense of humor made the point to a passenger who, by all accounts, deserved to fly in the baggage compartment!
______________________A crowded United flight was canceled. A single ticket agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and yelled, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to help you but I’ve got to help these folks first, then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The belligerent passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so the passengers in line behind him could hear, “Do you have any idea who I am?”
Without hesitating, the ticket agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate A-6.”
With the folks in line behind him laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, “F*** you!”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to wait in line for that, too!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A FINAL BLESSING
The words of the Desiderata have been around for hundreds of years, yet they remain as vital and fresh today as when they were first written. They are a constant reminder of the beauty around us, especially during those times when it is difficult for us to see any beauty at all. I share them with you, wishing each of you a new year full of peace, joy and authentic Self expression.
_________________
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, for they too have their story. Avoid the loud and aggressive persons. They are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble. It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love for, in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God whatever you conceive God to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
__________________________
May the year 2002 bring you every blessing you deserve. Thanks for sharing these moments with me.
Prudence Kohl
http://www.withinwithout.comKohlQuest Associates
3271 Polk County Line Road
Rutherfordton, NC 28139PLEASE NOTE: KohlQuest does not rent or sell lists of e-mail addresses. We honor and respect the privacy of each and every one of our subscribers.
The eXpress Yourself newZletter is copyrighted © 2001 by KohlQuest. All rights reserved. This document may not be copied in part or full without express written permission from the publisher.
To subscribe to our eXpress Yourself newZletter, go to:
http://www.withinwithout.com/newsletter.html
Or send an e-mail to: imagineer@blueridge.net with "Subscribe" as the Subject.
