eXpress Yourself newZletter Vol 2003 No. 3


                           CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE:

THE BIRTH OF THE NEW BEGINNING POSTER
---  There are two kinds of heroes.  Which one are you?

IN THE SPIRIT OF THE GAME OF LIFE
---  Anne Lamott breaks the mold of commencement addresses

DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN!
--- Deliciously simple but powerful thoughts about being fully alive

THOSE DASTARDLY REPORT CARDS
--- NYC public school teachers tell the truth and risk of their jobs

THE WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
--- Sharpen your pencils for another blast at the facts you learned in high school

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First, a recap!

Time to 'fess up!  How many of you found the nine people in the last issue's optical illusion?  Did you see the couple kissing or just the old man with ivy in his hair?  Where did you land on Dr. Louis Janda's Argumentative Scale?  Did anyone get just a little upset that some corporations use the targeted personality traits identified in "Dr. Phil's Test" to determine whether or not you would be a suitable employee?  Whatever happened to the more profound priorities of talent over title, character over credentials?  Gone with the wind, I guess.

In the tradition of all previous issues of the eXpress Yourself newZletter, this one is long.  Twelve pages to be exact.  But, heck, this newsletter comes to you only once every two months, so it better pack a lot of power into each issue or it wouldn't be worth the powder to blow it into cyberspace!

Brew a cup of tea or something stronger … kick off your shoes … carve out a few quiet moments in your life … and inhale the ideas, wisdom, and humor contained within.

In this issue of your XYZ newsletter, you can…

 
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THE BIRTH OF THE  NEW BEGINNING  POSTER

As we approach another anniversary of the collapse of the World Trade Center, the word "hero" begins to surface over and over again … in the news media, across the Internet, in numerous magazines. Americans love to embrace its heroes, particularly those we celebrate in the aftermath of the kinds of disasters that make headlines.

I, too, celebrate and deeply respect such heroes. 

Yet I respect another kind of hero just as much.  These heroes  rarely make headlines. They don't receive medals. Their heroism comes from small victories in daily battles most of us never hear about.  These heroes are quiet fighters of inexhaustible faith and perseverance, dedicated to healing the earth, building a more compassionate coexistence among human beings, and caring for those who are victims of the darkest acts of human ignorance, fear, and greed. 

There are two kinds of these everyday heroes.  One is dedicated to lifting our broken spirits;  the other, to opening the dungeons of our minds.

Which one are you?

One hero is working with the gentle lambs of the world, the innocent victims of humankind's savage indifference.  This hero's focus is the abused child … battered spouse … forgotten elder … homeless man ….starving refugee … troubled teenager … recovering addict …dying AIDS patient … abandoned animal.

The other hero is opening our hearts and minds … engaging us in genuine dialogues … building a vision of humankind beyond labels and stereotypes … and teaching us how to rise above the prejudice of closed minds in search of an inner strength that cannot be fatally insulted or denied.

The New Beginning art poster was created to honor heroes like you. We believe you deserve to be recognized, honored, and applauded for the work you do every day.  We also believe it is the efforts of such heroes that are the real power and promise of a new beginning for us all … and that's the only kind of power and promise that will ever truly change our world.

New Beginning is a fine art lithograph reproduction of the beloved photograph and original verse called "Birth of Acabar" from my book, Hole in the Garden Wall.  This beautiful image of a ewe and her newborn lamb is accompanied by these words: 

I dedicate my life to those too gentle to live among wolves.

The 18" x 24" poster is only $14.95. The image with verse is also available on greeting cards, sweatshirts, and T-shirts for those who prefer to send or wear your statement rather than hang it on a wall.

I invite you to celebrate the everyday hero you are … and all the everyday heroes who have touched your life.  Visit the KohlQuest ArtSpeak web site where you can order the poster that honors you and your selfless dedication to those too gentle to live among wolves. 

Click on the link below or copy and paste this URL address into your browser's location window:
http://www.KQartspeak.com

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IN THE SPIRIT OF THE MEANING OF LIFE

Author Anne Lamott is well known for sharing her vulnerabilities with her readers.  She did not disappoint her audience last May when she gave the undergraduate and interdisciplinary studies commencement address at the University of California at Berkeley. Here are her words in a shorter and slightly tweaked (by her) version. It amuses me to think how many parents were squirming in their seats listening to her speak!  The greyhound bunny chase, indeed!!

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I am honored and a bit surprised to be speaking to you today.

This must be a magical day for you. I wouldn't know. I accidentally forgot to graduate from college. I meant to, 30 years ago, but things got away from me. I did graduate from high school, though -- do I get a partial credit for that? Although, unfortunately, my father had forgotten to pay the book bill, so at the graduation ceremony, when I opened the case to see my diploma, it was empty. Except for a ransom note that said, see Mrs. Foley, the bookkeeper, if you ever want to see your diploma alive again. 

I went to Goucher College in Maryland for the best possible reasons -- to learn -- but then I dropped out at 19 for the best possible reasons -- to become a writer. Those of you who have read my work know that instead, I accidentally became a Kelly girl for a while. Then, In a dazzling career move, I got hired as a clerk typist in the Nuclear Quality Assurance Department at Bechtel, where I worked typing and sorting triplicate forms. I hate to complain, but it was not very stimulating work. But it paid the bills, so I could write my stories every night when I got home. I worked at Bechtel for six months -- but I had nothing to do with the current administration's shameless war profiteering. I just sorted triplicate forms. You've got to believe me. 

It was a terrible job, at which I did a terrible job, but it paid $600 a month, which was enough to pay my rent and bills. This is the real fly in the ointment if you are crazy enough to want to be an artist -- you have to give up your dreams of swimming pools and fish forks, and take any old job. At 20, I got hired at a magazine as an assistant editor, and I think that was the last real job I've ever had. 

I bet I'm beginning to make your parents really nervous -- here I am sort of bragging about being a dropout, and unemployable, and secretly making a pitch for you to follow your creative dreams, when
what they want is for you to do well in your field, make them look good, and maybe also make a tiny fortune. 

But that is not your problem. Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are. 

At some point I finally started getting published, and experiencing a meager knock-kneed standing in the literary world, and I started to get almost everything that many of you graduates are hoping for -- except for the money. 

I got a lot of things that society had promised would make me whole and fulfilled -- all the things that the culture tells you from preschool on will quiet the throbbing anxiety inside you -- stature, the respect of colleagues, maybe even a kind of low-grade fame. The culture says these things will save you, as long as you also manage to keep your weight down. But the culture lies. 

Slowly, after dozens of rejection slips and failures and false starts and postponed dreams -- what Langston Hughes called dreams deferred -- I stepped onto the hallowed ground of being a published
novelist, and then 15 years later, I even started to make real money. 

I'd been wanting to be a successful author my whole life. But when I finally did it, I was like a greyhound catching the mechanical rabbit she'd been chasing all her life -- metal, wrapped up in cloth. It wasn't alive; it had no spirit. It was fake. Fake doesn't feed anything. Only spirit feeds spirit, in the same way only your own blood type can sustain you. It had nothing that could slake the lifelong thirst I had for a little immediacy, and connection. 

So from the wise old pinnacle of my 49 years, I want to tell you that what you're looking for is already inside you. You've heard this before, but the holy thing inside you really is that which causes you to seek it. You can't buy it, lease it, rent it, date it or apply for it. The best job in the world can't give it to you. Neither can success, or fame, or financial security -- besides which, there ain't no such thing. J.D. Rockefeller was asked, "How much money is enough?" and he said, "Just a little bit more." 

So it can be confusing -- most of your parents want you to do well, to be successful. They want you to be happy -- or at least happy-ish. And they want you to be nicer to them; just a little nicer -- is that so much to ask? 

They want you to love, and be loved, and to find peace, and to laugh and find meaningful work. But they also -- some of them -- a few of them -- want you to chase the bunny for a while. To get ahead, sock some away, and then find a balance between the greyhound bunny-chase, and savoring your life. 

But the thing is, you don't know if you're going to live long enough to slow down, relax, and have fun, and discover the truth of your spiritual identity. You may not be destined to live a long life; you may not have 60 more years to discover and claim your own deepest truth -- like Breaker Morant said, you have to live every day as if it's your last, because one of these days, you're bound to be right. 

So I thought it might help if I just went ahead and told you what I think is the truth of your spiritual identity ...

Actually, I don't have a clue. 

I do know you are not what you look like, or how much you weigh, or how you did in school, and whether you get to start a job next Monday or not. Spirit isn't what you do, it's ... well, again, I don't actually know. 

I know you can feel it and hear it in the music you love, in the bass line, in the harmonies, in the silence between notes; in Chopin and Eminem, Emmylou Harris, Bach, whoever. You can close your eyes and feel the divine spark, concentrated in you, like a little Dr. Seuss firefly. It flickers with aliveness and relief, like an American in a foreign country who suddenly hears someone speaking in English. 

In the Christian tradition, they say that the soul rejoices in hearing what it already knows. And so you pay attention when that Dr. Seuss creature inside you sits up and says, "Yo!" We can see spirit made visible in people being kind to each other, especially when it's a really busy person, taking care of a needy annoying person. Or even if it's terribly important you, stopping to take care of pitiful, pathetic you. In fact, that's often when we see spirit most brightly. 

It's magic to see spirit largely because it's so rare. Mostly you see the masks and the holograms that the culture presents as real. You see how you're doing in the world's eyes, or your family's, or in the eyes of people who are doing better than you -- much better than you -- or worse. But you are not your bank account or your ambitiousness. You're not the cold clay lump with a big belly you leave behind when you die. You're not your collection of walking personality disorders. You are spirit, you are love, and, while it is increasingly hard to believe during this presidency, you are free. 

You're here to love and be loved, freely. If you find out next week that you are terminally ill -- and we're all terminally ill on this bus -- all that will matter is memories of beauty, that people loved you, and you loved them, and that you tried to help the poor and innocent. 

So how do we feed and nourish our spirit, and the spirit of others? 

First, find a path, and a little light to see by. Every single spiritual tradition says the same three things: 
1) Live in the now, as often as you can, a breath here, a moment there. 
2) You reap exactly what you sow. 
3) You must take care of the poor, or you are so doomed that we can't help you. 

You don't have to go overseas. There are people right here who are poor in spirit; worried, depressed, dancing as fast as they can, whose kids are sick, or whose retirement savings are gone. There is great loneliness among us, life-threatening loneliness. People have given up on peace, on equality. You do what you can, what good people have always done: You bring thirsty people water; you share your food, you try to help the homeless find shelter, you stand up for the underdog. 

Anything that can help you get your sense of humor back feeds the spirit, too. So you may need to upgrade your friends. You need to find people who laugh gently at themselves, who remind you gently to lighten up. 

Rest and laughter are the most spiritual and subversive acts of all. Laugh, rest, slow down. Some of you start jobs Monday; some of you desperately wish you did -- some of your parents are asthmatic with anxiety that you don't. They shared this with me before the ceremony began. 

But again, this is not your problem. If your family is hell-bent on you making a name for yourself in the field of, say, molecular cell biology, then maybe when you're giving them a final tour of campus, you can show them to the admissions office. I doubt very seriously that they could even get into U.C. Berkeley -- I talked to a professor who said there is not a chance he could get in these days. 

So I would recommend that you all just take a long deep breath, and stop. Just be where your butts are, and breathe. Take some time. You are graduating today. Refuse to cooperate with anyone who is trying to shame you into hopping right back up onto the rat exercise wheel. 

Slow down if you can. Better yet, lie down. 

You've graduated. You have nothing left to prove, and besides, it's a fool's game. If you agree to play, you've already lost. There are so many great things to do right now. Write. Sing. Rest. Eat cherries. Register voters. And -- oh my God -- I nearly forgot the most important thing: refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you'll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you've just eaten. The pants may be lying! 

So bless you. You've done an amazing thing. And you are loved; you are capable of lives of great joy and meaning. It's what you are made of. And it's what you're for. 

So take care of yourselves; take care of each other. 

Thank you. 

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DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN!

The following was author Kurt Vonnegut's commencement address at MIT. 

I think it's more like an anthem to life than a commencement address. 

Perhaps you are asking,  Why all this attention on commencement addresses when school graduations were over three months ago?  I say, why not?  Seems to me commencement addresses should be given to those who are at the beginning, not the end, of their school years. (As a perennial teacher, I've always felt the educational system was bass ackward.)  The word commence means onset, beginning, start of something new.  So it seems appropriate, as schools of every grade begin their fall terms, that this fall XYZ issue should feature two of the best commencement addresses ever delivered.

Every now and then a few brave souls dare to break the mold of tedious, pompous oration --- and use the precious few moments they have before newly minted graduates to say something that has a dynamic impact on the way we all interact as human beings. 

Anne Lamott's honesty and Kurt Vonnegut's simplicity do just that -- shake our complacency and point us toward what really matters in living a life that is fully alive and ultimately joyful.

This is how Mr. Vonnegut approached the subject.
(No kidding.  This is precisely how he started his address.)
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Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4:00 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

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THOSE DASTARDLY REPORT CARDS

If you have ever been a public school teacher, you know how diplomatic you must be in dealing with students, parents, boards of education, internal politics, principals, lawyers … and the list goes on and on.  Just once, you'd like to be really honest regarding the hope of any academic success for some of your students. 

Here are a dozen comments supposedly made by some New York City public school teachers on student report cards, part of the required final narratives.  Naturally, all "offending" teachers were reprimanded.

WARNING:  The following are NOT examples of effective interpersonal communication. However, they ARE classic examples of the kind of biting sarcasm that constitutes genuine verbal abuse.

1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't moving.

10. Compared to your son, a box of rocks stands a greater chance of reaching the seventh grade.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out one million others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is gone.

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THE WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ 

This delightful little test came rolling down the Internet into my inbox. Give it a try.  Passing requires ONLY 4 correct answers!!

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2. Which country makes Panama hats?
3. From which animal do we get cat gut?
4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
7. what animal?
8. What was King George VI's first name?
9. What color is a purple finch?
10. What country do Chinese gooseberries come from?
11. What is the color of the black box in a commercial
12. airplane?

All done?  Check your answers below!
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ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
Answer:  116 years

2)   Which country makes Panama hats?
Answer:   Ecuador

3)   From which animal do we get cat gut?
Answer:   Sheep and Horses

4)   In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
Answer:   In November

5)   What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Answer:   Squirrel fur

6)   The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Answer:   Dogs

7)   What was King George VI's first name?
Answer:  Albert

8)   What color is a purple finch?
Answer:  Crimson

9)   What country do Chinese gooseberries come from?
Answer:   New Zealand

10)   What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Answer:  Orange, of course.

What do you mean, you failed?
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This concludes the third edition 2003 of the eXpress Yourself newZletter.  Before I close, let me remind you about our web site addresses and invite you to visit them often:

KohlQuest ArtSpeak:
http://www.KQartspeak.com

Hole in the Garden Wall book: 
http://www.holeinthegardenwall.com

XYZ Newsletter subscriptions:
http://www.holeinthegardenwall.com/newsletter.html

XYZ Newsletter Archives:
http://www.kohlquest.com/xyzarchives.html

Circle of Stones: A Gathering of Women
http://www.kohlquest.com/circle.html
 

Thanks for sharing these moments with me. 
Make this day a great one, full of the blessings you desire and deserve.

Prudence Kohl

KohlQuest Associates
3271 Polk County Line Road
Rutherfordton, NC 28139
plkohl@kohlquest.com

PLEASE NOTE:  KohlQuest does not rent or sell lists of e-mail addresses. We honor and respect the privacy of each and every one of our subscribers.

The eXpress Yourself newZletter is copyrighted © 2003 by KohlQuest.  All rights reserved. This document may not be copied in part or full without express written permission from the publisher.

To subscribe to our eXpress Yourself newZletter, go to:
http://www.holeinthegardenwall.com/newsletter.html
Or send an e-mail to: plkohl@kohlquest.com with 
"Subscribe" as the Subject.
 

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