CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE:
110 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT IN THE SHADE
--- Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 exposes,
enflames, and divides
DIALOGUE AS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL
--- What sets dialogue apart from all other
forms of communication
NEITHER DISCUSSION NOR DEBATE
---- How dialogue differs from telling,
selling, or besting another
BEHAVIORS THAT SUPPORT DIALOGUE
--- Just a little basic courtesy goes a long,
long way
CREATING DIALOGUE :: FOUR SKILL BUILDING BLOCKS
--- It takes a little practice to change limiting
beliefs
THE WORLD'S BEST "HOTTIE" AD
--- Be careful what personal ads
you answer!
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This issue is devoted entirely to the subject
of DIALOGUE.
I hear loud groans from some of you! Ho
hum, you say. What's the big deal? I know everything there
is to know about dialogue. Yessiree, use it all the time.
I say, Really? Well then, go out and jog
around the block 100 times while the rest of us, who aren't afraid to peel
away some limiting beliefs, take a penetrating look at DIALOGUE, second
only to love as the most misunderstood, misused, and thoroughly abused
subject in the arena of human relationships.
You're about to discover all that dialoguing you
think you've been doing isn't dialogue at all. If you don't believe
me, you will be hard pressed to argue with some respected and powerful
voices who lend their thoughts on DIALOGUE to this newsletter.
You're about to find out what it takes to
initiate real dialogue … why it always exists at the heart of genuine communication
(where meaning being exchanged so understanding results) … and how to change
your limiting beliefs and create genuine dialogue that respects another
person's dignity, diversity, and voice of authentic self expression.
So, if you aren't jogging around the block at
this moment, be prepared for a eye-opening adventure to unravel this tangled
web called DIALOGUE.
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110 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT IN THE SHADE
It was a newly released film that inspired me
to focus on DIALOGUE for this edition of the newsletter … specifically
Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, a documentary film that is sending
political temperatures in the United States to the boiling point in an
already tense electoral year.
Here's the issue at point: Is this movie
initiating expansive, meaningful dialogues among those who have viewed
it? Is it stimulating real thought-provoking dialogues between and
among nations, political parties, opinion leaders, the media, or the public
at large?
In most cases, the answer is a stupefying NO.
But it certainly has produced sensational entertainment, and how we do
love to shellac serious issues with the gloss of sensationalism, entertaining
or otherwise.
In case you've been living in the Mariana Trench
or in outer space over the last few months, you might not know Fahrenheit
9/11 is a hyper-virulent, anti-Bush documentary exposing alleged links
between the Bush family and that of al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, who
claimed responsibility for the September 11, 2001 terror attacks in New
York and Washington.
The film, along with a few others posing as documentaries,
introduced a new category in political commentary, one called "political
paranormal." Catchy little label, don't you think?
Fahrenheit 9/11 broke box office and attendance
records for all documentary films. How unexpected and big is that
achievement? Let's just say this film beat the opening weekend of
George Lucas' s Return of the Jedi! What's more, the French
bestowed Mr. Moore with the prestigious and highly coveted Palme d'Or at
this year's Cannes film festival.
The following is a brief excerpt from an article
reprinted in the Agence France Presse, June 4, 2004. I took the liberty
to italicize the hyper-emotional language:
"The Oscar-winning director is fuelling
the gulf between the Republican and Democratic electoral campaigns ahead
of the premiere of his documentary that slams President George
W. Bush and his government's policy on Iraq.
A highly-publicised political firestorm
is helping to generate interest in the film that cost just six million
dollars to make but which is expected to shatter the 24-million-dollar
box office record set by Moore's Oscar-winning documentary "Bowling for
Columbine."
The row has become the focus of
a pitched battle between political activists, with rival
conservative and liberal grass-roots groups desperately
rallying their troops to either boycott or
support the film.
Outraged by its red-hot content,
which prompted the Walt Disney Co. to refuse to distribute the film, conservative
Move America Forward is leading a last-ditch campaign to
persuade US cinemas not to screen it …"
Obviously, Fahrenheit 9/11 is not your
stereotypical short, black and white documentary spliced together in someone's
bedroom. It has enraged or engrossed hundreds of thousands of people
with a highly-charged emotional assault viewers just recently experienced
in another film released this spring: Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.
It's that absolute fire and brimstone emotionalism
that merits a dose of less incendiary thought, as Andrew Sullivan states
in the following excerpt from his "Blinded by the Light" editorial in Time,
July 12, 2004. Sullivan elaborates that both movies replace argument
with feeling and reasoned persuasion with the rawest of group loyalties:
"It is a sign of how far the culture war has gone
that almost no one condemns both movies. If you're a Fundamentalist
… [Mel] Gibson is a hero. If you're a leftist … Moore is, in the
words of the New York Times, 'a credit to the Republic.' The truth
is that both movies are different but equally potent forms of cultural
toxin -- poisonous to debate, to reason, and to civility. And the
antidote is in shorter and shorter supply."
Divide and conquer. Expose and humiliate.
Condemn and silence those who do not pledge allegiance to your groupthink
absolutism.
The greatest issue Fahrenheit 9/11 raises
is this one --- there has never been a greater, more critical urgency
for genuine DIALOGUE than right now. In the rest of this newsletter, you'll
learn why.
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DIALOGUE AS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL
Dialogue is a way of exploring the roots of the
many crises that face humanity today. It enables inquiry into, and understanding
of, the sorts of processes that fragment and interfere with real communication
between individuals, nations, and even different parts of the same organization.
In our modern culture men and women are able to
interact with one another in many ways: they can sing, dance or play
together with little difficulty. But their ability to talk together about
subjects that matter deeply to them seems invariably to lead to dispute,
division, and often to violence.
In dialogue, a group of people can explore the
individual and collective presuppositions, ideas, beliefs, and feelings
that subtly control their interactions. It provides an opportunity to participate
in a process that can reveal the often puzzling patterns of incoherence
that lead the group to avoid certain issues or, on the other hand, to insist,
against all reason, on standing and defending opinions about particular
issues.
Dialogue is a way of observing, collectively,
how hidden values and intentions can control our behavior, and how unnoticed
cultural differences can clash without our realizing what is occurring.
It can therefore be seen as an arena in which collective learning takes
place and out of which a sense of increased harmony, fellowship, and creativity
can arise.
Because the nature of dialogue is exploratory,
its meaning and its methods continue to unfold. No firm rules can be laid
down for conducting a dialogue because its essence is learning -- not as
the result of consuming a body of information or doctrine imparted by an
authority, nor as a means of examining or criticizing a particular theory
or program, but rather as part of an unfolding process of creative participation
between peers.
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Why dialogue?
Dialogue is concerned with providing a space that
makes possible a kind of immediate mirroring back of both the content of
thought and the less apparent, dynamic structures that govern it.
Each listener is able to reflect back to each
speaker, and to the rest of the group, a view of some of the assumptions
and unspoken implications being expressed, as well as that which is being
avoided.
Dialogue creates the opportunity for each participant
to examine the preconceptions, prejudices, and the characteristic patterns
that lie behind his or her thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and feelings …
along with the roles he or she tends habitually to play. And it offers
an opportunity to share those insights.
Dialogue allows a wide spectrum of possible relationships
to be
revealed:
--- It can disclose the impact of society on
the individual and the individual's impact on society.
--- It can display how power is assumed or given
away and how pervasive are the generally unnoticed rules of the system
that constitutes our culture.
Dialogue is not concerned with deliberately trying
to alter or change behavior nor to get the participants to move toward
a predetermined goal. Nevertheless, changes do occur because observed
thought behaves differently from unobserved thought.
Dialogue becomes an opportunity for thought and
feeling to play freely. Any subject can be included and no content
is excluded.
Such an activity is very rare in our culture.
Yet dialogue is an activity that might well prove vital to the future health
of civilization as we know it here on earth.
This article expresses the thoughts
of David Bohm (1917-1992), a distinguished physicist best known for his
work on quantum theory and relativity theory and their implications for
other fields. The ideas on dialogue are taken from an influential paper
written by Bohm, Donald Factor and Peter Garrett. For the complete
paper, go to:
http://www.thedialoguegrouponline.com/whatsdialogue.html
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NEITHER DISCUSSION NOR DEBATE
Dialogue is not discussion, a word that shares
its root meaning with "percussion" and "concussion," both of which involve
breaking things up.
It is not debate. Debate, by the very structure
within which formal debates occur, is intentionally designed to win another
to your point of view … or put another way, to make your point of view
victorious over your opponent's. Debates have winners and losers.
Discussions and debates are forms of conversation
with an implicit tendency to point toward a goal, to hammer out an agreement,
to try to solve a problem. or have one's opinion prevail.
The intentions of dialogue, debate, and discussion
are quite different as you can see in the contrasts below:
DIALOGUE
--- to inquire, to learn
--- to unfold shared meaning
--- to integrate multiple perspectives
--- to uncover and examine assumptions
DEBATE AND DISCUSSION
--- to tell, sell, or persuade
--- to gain agreement on one meaning
--- to evaluate and select the best
--- to justify or defend assumptions
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BEHAVIORS THAT SUPPORT DIALOGUE
Suspension of judgment when listening and speaking.
When we listen and suspend judgment we open the door to expanded understanding.
When we speak without judgment we open the door for others to listen to
us.
Respect for differences. Our respect
is grounded in the belief that everyone has an essential contribution to
make and is to be honored for the perspective which only they can bring.
Role and status suspension. Again,
in dialogue, all participants and their contributions are absolutely essential
to developing an integrated whole view. No one perspective is more important
than any other. Dialogue is about power with, as opposed to power over
or power under.
Balancing inquiry and advocacy. In
dialogue, we inquire to discover and understand others perspectives and
ideas and we advocate to offer our own for consideration. The intention
is to bring forth and make visible assumptions and relationships, and gain
new insight and
understanding.
We too often advocate to convince others of our
positions. Therefore, a good place to start with this guideline is to practice
bringing more inquiry into the conversation.
Focus on learning. Our intention
is to learn from each other, to expand our view and understanding, instead
of evaluating and determining who has the "best" point of view.
When we are focused on learning we tend to ask
more questions, try new things. We are willing to disclose our thinking
so that we can see both what is working for us and what we might want to
change. We want to hear from all parties so that we can gain the advantage
of differing perspectives.
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CREATING DIALOGUE :: FOUR SKILL BUILDING BLOCKS
The building blocks outlined below are concepts
that form a scaffolding for dialogue. Like the scaffolding used in construction
to aid in the initial stages of building, they are meant to help provide
an environment conducive to unfolding the process of dialoguing.
Rather than a set of rules, think of them as reminders
of the level of attention that lies at the core of dialogue. Attention
to our thinking, our feelings, our communication, assumptions, and judgments.
Attention to the unfolding meaning of the group, the spirit of inquiry,
and the pauses for reflection that lead to learning and understanding.
Held lightly, these building blocks will help
you enter into dialogue. Held too firmly, they will trap you in just one
more structure and limiting system. Dialogue is a living process
and requires the willingness of all participants to be open to letting
go of the known in order to discover new perspectives and understanding.
As one writer so eloquently put it, "We must be prepared in each moment
to give up [our ideas of] who we are to discover all we may become. "
So, by all means use these guidelines to help
you begin your exploration of dialogue, and in each moment be prepared
to release them and let your attention guide you to the next level of learning.
Suspension of Judgment
Of all the building blocks, suspension of judgment
is the foundation for dialogue … and the most challenging. Our normal way
of thinking divides, organizes, and labels. Because our egos become identified
with how we think things are, we often find ourselves defending our positions
against those of others. This makes it difficult for us to stay open to
new and alternative views of reality. It's hard to listen when we are engaged
in a heated battle about "who's right and who's wrong!"
When we learn to suspend judgment … to "hold our
positions more lightly"… we open the door to see others' points of view.
It is not that we do away with our judgments and opinions -- this would
be impossible. We simply create a space between our judgment and our reaction,
and thus open a door for listening.
Suspending judgment is also key to building a
climate of trust and safety. As we learn we will not be "judged" wrong
for our opinions, we feel freer to express ourselves. The atmosphere becomes
more open and truthful.
Assumption Identification
Identify means "to recognize, to pick out from
your surroundings, to feel one with." Assumptions are those things
which are assumed or thought to be. So, to identify assumptions is
to recognize or identify that which we think is so.
It is probably obvious to most of us that our
assumptions play a large role in how we evaluate our environment, the decisions
we make, and how we behave. Yet it is just this aspect of our thinking
that we consistently overlook when we seek to solve problems, resolve conflicts,
or create synergy among diverse people.
Why do we overlook the obvious? David Bohm would
say because our "assumptions are transparent to us". They are such a built-in
part of our seeing apparatus that we do not even know they are there. We
look right through them.
Our failure to look at underlying belief systems
can lead to disappointing results. When we examine the underlying assumptions
behind our decisions and actions, we reach to the causal level of problem
solving. We are able to identify where there are disconnects in our strategies
and take more effective actions.
By learning how to identify our assumptions, we
can also explore differences with others, work to build common ground and
consensus, and get to the bottom of core misunderstandings and differences.
Listening: Key to Perception
Take a minute, right now, and ask yourself for
your personal definition of listening. Think about the activities you identify
with listening. How do you know you are listening? Being listened to? What
does listening feel like? How could your listening be enhanced?
The way we listen has a lot to do with our capacity
to learn and build quality relationships with others. When we are able
to suspend judgment and listen to diverse perspectives, we expand and deepen
our world view. It is the act of listening that allows for integration
and synthesis of new insights and possibilities. When we listen deeply
we are willing to be influenced by and learn from others.
In dialogue, listening also involves developing
our ability to perceive the meaning arising both at the individual level
and within the group. What assumptions are we hearing? Which ones are shared?
Listening for shared meaning informs us about the culture we live in and
presents us with the opportunity to make choices about our decisions and
actions rather than moving unconsciously on auto-pilot.
Inquiry and Reflection
Inquiry and refection are about learning how to
ask questions with the intention of gaining additional insight and perspective.
Through this process we dig deeply into matters that concern us and create
breakthroughs in our ability to solve problems.
Inquiry elicits information. Reflection permits
the inspection of that information and the perception of relationships.
The combination of reflection and inquiry enables us to learn, to think
creatively, and to build on past experience versus simply repeating the
same patterns over and over again.
By learning how to ask questions that lead us
to new levels of understanding, we accelerate our collective learning.
Such questions often begin with "I wonder...", "what if...", "what does
this mean to you?" As we ask these questions and listen, we gain greater
awareness into our own and others' thinking processes and the issues that
separate and unite us.
By creating pauses to reflect, we learn to work
with silence and slow down the rate of conversation. We become able to
identify assumptions and reactive patterns, and open the door for new ideas
and possibilities.
Interlocking Building Blocks: Weaving the Dialogue
Each of the building blocks is an integral part
of the dialogue. They are living parts which, like the organs of our bodies,
constantly work to support the form they are part of. In each moment,
the building blocks weave both the context within which the dialogue unfolds
and act as catalysts to support the unfolding itself. The more consciously
we use them, the more they help us to enter into and sustain the dialogue.
And all the skills are interrelated. For example,
as we begin to draw aside the curtains of our judgments, we develop the
capacity to speak and listen without the automatic coloring of past thought
patterns. We become less reactive, more aware of the assumptions through
which
we filter our observations.
By choosing to suspend these assumptions, we may
experiment with expanding the horizons of our perceptions, increasing the
number of points of view available to us. By creating space to reflect
on what we are perceiving, seeking the next level of inquiry, opening up
our senses and listening deeply with the intention to discover and understand,
we enter into dialogue.
The Building Blocks and Behaviors
That Support Dialogue articles are excerpted from the writings of Glenna
Gerard and Linda Ellinor of The Dialogue Group. I urge you to visit The
Dialogue Group site for more in-depth information about dialogues: http://www.thedialoguegrouponline.com
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THE WORLD'S BEST "HOTTIE" AD
I opened this XYZ newsletter referencing heat.
I close with another reference to heat of a different kind. The following
arrived in my email inbox and I'm sending it along for all of you to enjoy.
This appeared in the Atlanta Journal and has to be one of the most
effective singles ads ever written:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks companionship, ethnicity
unimportant. I am a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love
long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping,
fishing trips, and cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight
dinners will have me eating out of your hands. Rub me the right way
and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call (404) 875-6429 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the
Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old Labrador Retriever.
Thus concludes this third 2004 edition of the
eXpress Yourself newZletter. Before I close, let me remind
you about our web site addresses and invite you to visit them often:
Circle of Stones: A Gathering of Women
http://www.kohlquest.com/circle.html
The Search for Stone Woman
http://www.kohlquest.com/stonewomanppt.html
KohlQuest ArtSpeak:
http://www.KQartspeak.com
Hole in the Garden Wall book:
http://www.holeinthegardenwall.com
XYZ Newsletter subscriptions:
http://www.holeinthegardenwall.com/newsletter.html
XYZ Newsletter Archives:
http://www.kohlquest.com/xyzarchives.html
Thanks for sharing these moments with me.
Make this day a great one, full of the blessings
you desire and deserve.
Prudence Kohl, Editor
eXpress Yourself newZletter
KohlQuest Associates
3271 Polk County Line Road
Rutherfordton, NC 28139
plkohl@kohlquest.com
PLEASE NOTE: KohlQuest does not rent or
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and every one of our subscribers.
The eXpress Yourself newZletter is copyrighted
© 2004 by KohlQuest. All rights reserved. This document may
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