CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE:
HOOPHOLE ~ A DIFFERENT KIND OF SURVIVAL
SCHOOL
--- Putting the fun back into learning
where it was always meant to be
WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO SAY WHEN SHE SAYS, "AM
I FAT?"
--- A hilarious look at how men and women (mis)communicate
THE POWER OF THE HUMAN MIND
--- Yes, those are intentional typos, thank
you very much!
THE SCIENCE OF MAKING POLICIES
--- It's a lot more than just a lot of
monkey business
A FEW LITTLE TESTS IN LATERAL THINKING
--- Check to see how well you think out of the
box
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Hello, everyone!
In the last eXpress Yourself newZletter, we devoted
all our attention to the subject of DIALOGUE. In case you haven't
discovered this by now, building a genuine dialogue between and among people
is no easy task. As with any difficult task, there's a time to batten
the hatches and master the hard stuff. And there is a time to release
the anchor ropes and let the balloon rise into the clouds.
We're cutting the ropes in this issue. Have
a good time taking a light-hearted look at the multiple facets of this
very elusive activity called interpersonal communication. For those
of you who enjoy the challenge of a brain teasers, we offer another classic
puzzler to wrap your mind around.
But first, an introduction to a new learning adventure
-- Hoophole.
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HOOPHOLE: A DIFFERENT KIND OF SURVIVAL
SCHOOL
There's a kind of survival you can view today
on almost every television network during prime time. That's the
kind where people face incredible physical odds and must overcome these
hardships in order to win 15 minutes of fame and some cash as compensation.
There are also survival schools where you learn
how to function as a team by working with others to overcome staggering
physical obstacles like scaling a 400-foot-high sheer granite cliff or
surviving alone in the woods for three days without food or water.
But we've created a different kind of survival
school, the kind where you learn how to rediscover your authentic voice,
respect the diversity of others, and live in stewardship with the earth.
That's the kind of survival you won't experience in any text book or in
any classroom where learning is little more than data dump --- information
retention and regurgitation.
We call this different kind of survival school
Hoophole.
Hoophole is a unique kind of learning environment
for a number of reasons, starting with teachers that are genuinely excited
about teaching, an atmosphere that amplifies that excitement for both teachers
and students, and courses that are absolutely vital to our survival in
a global community.
All of us at Hoophole invite you to visit the
Hoophole web site, select the program that resonates within you, and join
us in this very special learning space.
http://www.kohlquest.com/hoophole.html
You will rediscover what fun learning can be when
it challenges your curiosity, stimulates your imagination, and shows you
how to build bridges beyond those limiting beliefs that now separate and
isolate humankind.
We look forward to sharing Hoophole with you in
the very near future.
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WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO SAY WHEN SHE SAYS, "AM
I FAT?"
by Mickey Guisewite
[excerpts from Dancing Through Life in a Pair
of Broken Heels.]
I'm convinced we'd have a new bestseller if someone
published an instruction manual for men entitled What You're Supposed to
Say When She Shamelessly Begs for a Compliment.
If there were such a handy manual, I'd never again
have to have the following conversation:
Me: How do you like my hair?
He: [long pause] It looks nice.
Me: What's wrong with my hair?!
He: Nothing. There's nothing wrong with
it.
Me: But you paused like there might have
been something wrong with it.
He: I was admiring it. And then I said
it looked nice.
Me: Just nice?
He: It looks great! I think your
hair looks great! Okay? Now are you happy?
Me: No. Because it wasn't spontaneous.
Therefore, the entire compliment is completely irrelevant.
Furthermore, if there were such a manual, I would
never have THIS conversation again:
Me: Do you think I look fat?
He: No. Not at all.
Me: You do. You think I look fat.
He: I just said you don't look fat.
Me: Yes. But you didn't say I look thin.
Therefore, you must think I'm somewhere in the fat to mid-fat range.
I realize that in both conversations I wasn't
just begging for a compliment. I wanted to hear a specific set of words,
spoken with a particular inflection, an exact facial expression, and body
language that I'd prescripted in my head.
How was he supposed to know that when he saw my
fried, permed hair for the first time, the conversation was supposed to
go like this:
Fantasy Me: How do you like my hair?
Fantasy He: [dropping the sports section,
his eyes widening] Your hair looks beautiful, yet no more beautiful than
it has ever looked in the 3,465 other days that I've known you.
Fantasy Me: Really?
Fantasy He: [leaping up and lunging toward
me] Yes! Yes! I must run my fingers through it this very minute!!
Fantasy Me: It feels like a Brillo pad.
Fantasy He: [hands planted in my hair]
No, it feels soft and sexy. Even if it did feel like a Brillo pad as you
suggested -- which it does not, mind you -- I've always loved the way a
Brillo pad feels against my skin.
How was he supposed to know that as I stood before
the mirror, a fistful of upper-thigh fat in each hand, the conversation
I wanted to have was this one:
Fantasy Me: Do you think I look fat?
Fantasy He: [a look of utter confusion
on his face as though he hasn't heard me correctly] Fat?
Fantasy Me: Yes, fat.
Fantasy He: [loud burst of laughter]
Whew! That's a good one. I thought you were going to say, "Do I look too
thin?" to which I would have responded, "Yes, you could stand to gain a
few pounds, but too fat? [another spontaneous burst of laughter]
Oh, you just slay me sometimes ….
Fantasy Me: Really?
Fantasy He: Yes. We must grab our coats
and go buy you a gallon of ice cream right now.
Of course, neither of these situations, real or
imagined, even begins to compare to the following one in which not only
did he not know what I expected him to say, he had no idea what I was talking
about in the first place!
Me: Well, what do you think?
He: [tentatively] Your hair looks
beautiful?
Me: No.
He: [meekly] You look incredibly
thin?
Me: Wrong again.
He: Give me a hint.
Me: The living room. I bought a rug, rearranged
the furniture, and hung a 12-foot painting on the wall.
He: Oh. [long pause] It looks
nice.
Me: What's wrong with the living room?
He: Nothing. There's nothing wrong with
the living room.
Me: But you paused like there might have
been something wrong with it.
You can guess how the rest of this conversation
goes.
In retrospect, I realize that unless he had been
looking very closely and had happened to notice that I'd bought a rug,
rearranged the furniture, and hung a 12-foot painting on the wall, my question,
"Well, what do you think?" could have pertained to any number of things.
All the more reason men need this potential bestseller.
It would give step-by-step instructions about what to do when faced with
every possible situation. For example:
She has just asked you what you think. You have
no idea whether she's searching for a response pertaining to her hair,
clothes, accessories, weight, spark plugs she just bought, or the status
of your relationship.
Without skipping a beat, you must confidently
look her in the eye and say, "Terrific." Note that this will not
be a sufficient answer, as she will probably now ask you the following:
"Really?"
Again, you must give no indication that you haven't
the foggiest idea what she is talking about. Answer: "Yes. Incredible!
And I really mean it."
At this point she may get more specific:
"Do you like the color?"
Unless you are altogether sure that she is referring
to her hair, lipstick, clothes, or furniture, we recommend you remain completely
vague: "Yes. I love it! An outstanding choice!"
Then, as quickly as possible, change the subject.
Something like, "You look so thin. Let's go buy a cheesecake" is preferable.
But beyond these suggestions, the manual would
give proposed responses for when the man is sure, beyond a doubt, what
the woman is talking about. Some sample replies:
--- Heavens, no. Madonna's thighs look flabby
compared to yours.
--- I don't see any wrinkles around your eyes.
--- A blemish? Where?
--- No. It's not rubbery. I really like my steak
extremely well done.
--- The way your earrings pick up the muted greenish
gray fleck in your tweed jacket is really amazing.
--- You're so much better looking than Michelle
Pfeiffer.
--- Where are the Sports Illustrated swimsuit
photographers when you need them?
I was about to run this concept by my husband
the other day but he was preoccupied with something else.
"Do you think I'm going bald?" he asked.
I paused, studying the top of his head for a few
minutes, then replied,
"No, not at all."
"You do! You think I'm going bald!"
"I just said you weren't going bald."
"Yes, but you paused like you were thinking I'm
going bald ...."
Come to think of it, women could use a similar
handbook!
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THE POWER OF THE HUMAN MIND
Aorccidng to rscheearch codnutced at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are
tpyed, the olny iprmoetnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in
the rghit oedrer. The rset can be
a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae
the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a
wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
If for some reason you are unable to unscrambled
the words so you can read the above, here is what it says:
According to research conducted at Cambridge University,
it doesn't matter in what order the letters in a word are typed, the only
important thing is that the first and last letter be in the right order.
The rest can be a total mess and you can still read it without problem.
This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but
the word as a whole.
Amazing, huh?
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THE SCIENCE OF MAKING POLICIES
Put eight monkeys in a room.
In the middle of the room place a ladder leading
to a bunch of bananas
hanging from a hook on the ceiling.
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder,
spray all the monkeys with ice water which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all the other
monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, will set upon the climber and severely
beat him.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys will ever attempt
to climb the ladder.
Now, remove one of the original eight monkeys
and put a new monkey in the room. He sees the bananas and ladder and wonders
why none of the other monkeys have climbed up to retrieve them. So
he starts to climb the ladder.
Immediately, all the other monkeys fall upon him
and beat him senseless. He has no idea why he was beaten, but he no longer
makes any further attempt to climb the ladder.
A second monkey from the original group is removed
and replaced with a new arrival. The newcomer attempts to climb the ladder,
but all the other monkeys beat him up, including the previous new monkey
who is grateful he is not on the receiving end of the beating this time.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, you replace all the original monkeys.
Now, eight new monkeys are in the room. Not one of them has ever
been sprayed with ice water. None of them has attempted to climb
the ladder. All will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who
tries -- and none will have any idea why.
AND THAT'S HOW POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED AND REMAIN
UNCHANGED, EVEN WHEN THE ORIGINAL REASON FOR THE POLICY NO LONGER EXISTS.
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A FEW LITTLE TESTS IN LATERAL THINKING
We've talked about thinking "out of the box" in
earlier XYZ editions. It's called lateral thinking, the process of freeing
your mind of established preconceptions and allowing yourself to approach
problems in an unconventional way. Here are a few classic word brain
teasers to challenge your ability to think laterally.
What word, expression, or name is depicted below?
T RN
Here's another:
timing
tim ing
And a third:
VAD ERS
Finally:
NE14
10S?
Good luck! Answers will appear in your next
issue of the eXpress Yourself NewZletter.
__________________________________
Thus concludes this fourth 2004 edition of the
eXpress Yourself newZletter. Before I close, let me remind you about
our web site addresses and invite you to visit them often, beginning with
a visit to the Hoophole site:
Hoophole
http://www.kohlquest.com/hoophole.html
Circle of Stones: A Gathering of Women
http://www.kohlquest.com/circle.html
